5 relationship lessons from the movie her

5 Relationship Lessons From the Movie ‘Her’

I don’t watch movies that often.

When it comes to watching a movie, I am too choosy.

Sometimes I spend 1-2 hours just for deciding which movie is worth the time.

Just yesterday I watched a movie named ‘Her’ and I was blown away.

I didn’t have any plan to write this article but after watching that movie I thought I have to write.

If you have already watched it then you know what I am talking about, if you haven’t, then please watch this movie.

The movie was released in 2013 and based on a science fiction-romantic story.

Unique combination right. Science fiction and romance.

The concept of the movie is very insightful and mind-boggling. It’s a deep story that forced me to think hard.

Movies like this make me realize that how creative humans can be.

It’s really a masterpiece. For the same reason, it won many awards like the Academy and Golden Globe.

In today’s time. it’s hard to imagine a romantic relationship without smartphones and computers. without the winky and kissy-faced emojis, it becomes hard for most people to express affectionate feelings.

But as technology is rising fast, how much will we be dependent on technology in near future?

The bigger question perhaps is-

How technology will affect relationships in next 30 years?

We don’t know yet. We can just speculate at this point.

But the movie ‘Her’ tries to give us a glimpse of the future and how advanced AI can change the dynamics of romantic relationships.

The story is based on the near-future when Artificial Intelligence (AI) has advanced to a point where they can evolve with time.

That means you can install such an AI-enabled operating system on your computer and your computer will know you better with time.

It will know your preferences, it can write e-mails on behalf of you, it can help you make decisions, it’ is like your closest companion.

The story is about a middle-aged man who is in the midst of a relationship crisis with his wife. Then he bought a personalized artificial intelligence-enabled operating system.

The AI starts to understand him better with time.

He fall in love with the AI and the AI also loved him back.

I know you have a lot of questions about how can human love a computer programme. You better watch the full movie.

What I loved most about the movie is the way deep and meaningful messages have been delivered.

What exactly a relationship is?

Can it happen only between two human?

‘Her’ literally transcended me to a new and different world.

Here are 5 timeless lessons I learned from this movie about love-

1. Technology is going to affect your relationship in a good or bad way

Majority of people today, especially the youth can not think their life without smartphones.

But have you thought how technology has affected your relationships with your parents or your loved one?

You can see and talk with your loved one who lives 1000 mile away from you using technology. Isn’t it great?

5 relationship lessons from the movie her

Or you can get lost in a video game for hours and forget to talk with your loved ones.

Technology can work in favor of your relationship or against your relationship.

In future, the effect is going to be even more prominent.

After a few years, you might have an intelligent AI assistant on your phone (like Siri of today) who can affect all your decision making.

How will you handle the technology will go a long way to decide the fate of your relationship.

2. Successful relationships evolve with time

Are you the same person than what you were 2 years back?

No, right.

But people often expect their loved one to remain the same person like when they met in the beginning.

Time is tickling away for everyone. It never remains same. The only question worth asking is- how are you going to change with time?

Relationships are also go through an evolution. This movie has shown that beautufully.

For a relationship to floursish. two people must adapt and absorb the changes.

Maybe the thing worth observing is whether the change is good or bad for the relationship but to expect no change is surely a wrong expectation.

3. Relationships are hard

Maybe the movies you have watched in your childhood and teenage years made you believe that relationships are great and ‘love is in the air’ but in reality, things are very different.

Somebody said it correctly- ‘Relationships are like full time job‘.

You need to give your time and energy to maintain some kind of emotional intimacy with the other person.

It’s easy to get carried away by the amazing feelings one has at the beginning of a relationship mostly due to hormones.

But as time passes, one realizes the true foundation of the relationship. If you stop giving your attention and energy, the relationship can fall apart.

It’s a long journey. There will be many potholes in the journey.

Only people who has a solid foundation of their relationship and know how to support and take care of each other can thrive.

As Stephen R. Covey said in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ –

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.

Like any other thing, relationships requires maintaiance to run smoothly.

4. Your life is bigger than your relationship

Even if you feel that you can’t live without your loved one, the reality of life is that people live and live well even after their most dearest one leave them.

There is a scene in the movie where the hero narrates his story to the AI about how he feels after his separation from his wife. He said-

Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt’

But eventually he get over the pain and experience joy in his life.

No matter how good or bad phase your relationship is in. Your life is way bigger than everything else.

Don’t ever damage your life just because someone has left you.

Life is full of surprises.

5. True love transcends the physical body

How would answer the question

Does it require two human bodies to be in a relationship?

In the movie, the actor is in a relationship with an advanced computer program.

If you don’t watch and just listen to the whole movie, you would feel how perfect their relationship is.

They felt real emotions. They imagined physical intimacy. They listen to and support each other.

Just because she is a computer program, can’t we call it a relationship?

Nikola Tesla was in a relationship with a pigeon.

Of course, a normal human perhaps would call it insanity but we all know how genius Tesla was.

Once he said-

“I love that pigeon as a man loves a woman. as long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life”

Perhaps one can feel true bliss and love when he/she transcends over the physical body.

Some people would say ‘physical intimacy is extremely important for a relationship‘. Yes, it is probably true.

But that’s a kind of limited version of a relationship.

When one rises from physical to emotional to intellectual to finally spiritual intimacy, only then one can feel true love, true connection.

There are so many insight in the movie.

I am sure you can learn a lot from this movie about love, life, and future.

Have you watched this movie?

What are thoughts on the article and human relationships?

Let me know in the comment section.

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  • Kalpana Naghnoor

    I really enjoyed the post. AI has definitely changed our lives and perception. With so many go to web pages, we seek less of each other. And yet to connect with our loved ones it apt too. It’s a new world out there with new coded intelligence. New interactions with a heart that God gave us, and feelings we wrap around our newly created world.

    • Joy

      Thanks, Kalpana for your meaningful reply.

      Indeed technology is changing almost everything about human life.
      What we think weird today might be the new norm of today.

      The only question I often ponder about is will machines ever get consciousness like humans in the future?
      If so then what will be the difference between human and artificial intelligence.

      I think humans have something that is unique to only humans. Machines can surpass us in intelligence but not on all human abilities.

      Having said that, nobody knows how the future will look like.

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